


You stay with me

by Eppy45



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), olicity - Fandom
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 13:28:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3210821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eppy45/pseuds/Eppy45
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oliver and Felicity reunion in my perspective.<br/>English isn't my first language.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Missing him

There are been months since he left. “Left” wasn’t the right word actually, but she still wasn’t able to think he was gone for good. When Nyssa came to tell them he was been defeated, Felicity fainted. She woke up in his bed, the bed she bought him, looking into Diggle’s worried eyes.

\- Felicity...

She sat and tried to remember why she was here

\- Diggle, I’m fine. I had a terrible nightmare.

When she saw his expression, his eyes becoming more worried and...sad, she didn’t understand at first. Dig put a hand on her shoulder, as he was trying to sustain her.

\- Felicity, it wasn’t a nightmare.

Then it came again. The feeling she had before. And all the memories. Sara. Thea. Ra's al Ghul. The duel. Nyssa. Oliver. _Oliver!_ Gone. She understood she was having another crisis when she barely heard Diggle’s voice

\- Roy, we have to do something! She’s not able to breathe!

 _Breathe!_ Right! She needed to breathe.

In. Out. In. Out.

She tried to, but it was.. _difficult_ to breathe. She felt a needle in her arm and suddenly all went black.

Two day passed and she kept waking up and falling asleep in his bed. Silently crying when she was awake and in her dreams.

Diggle and Roy never left her and she realised she can’t do that anymore. The boys have a life. A life she must not monopolize.

So she asked Diggle to take her home. When they arrived, he followed her inside the apartment.

\- John, I’m fine. You can go.

He looked at her with hesitation. She knew he was studying her.

\- Dig, I’ll be fine. I promise. You have a little and fluffy girl to put to bed.

\- Layla got her.

\- And you got me. For days. Layla needs you too.

\- I know we didn’t talk about...

She shook her head.

\- I’m sorry. I never thought I would have that reaction. You guys lose him too. I’m...sorry.

\- Felicity. You were mourning him. You still are.

\- I just... I’m so angry at him. I wish to just stop loving him, but I can’t. Not now. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever could.

\- You need time. Baby steps.

\- Which reminds me, give a kiss to Sara. Now go. I walk you to the door..

\- Felicity...

\- Yes?

\- He knew.

She looked at him quizzically.

\- He knew you loved him. I’m sure of it. Don’t torture yourself because you didn’t say it back.

\- How do you...

\- You talk in your sleep.


	2. Coming home

When she walked down the Foundry all seemed quiet, _too quiet_. Down the stairs she saw Dig, Roy and Laurel side by side, all suited up, all looking at her.

\- What’s wrong?

Laurel took a step toward her.

\- Felicity, we think you should sit down.

\- Laurel, if someone tells me to sit down, makes me want to stay up even more.

Unexpectedly she heard a little noise coming by her chair just behind the guys. So they were _hiding_ something.

\- What did you guys do?

A figure stood up and a voice, _his_ voice, talked.

\- She wants to stand. She can handle this.

When she actually _saw_ him, the world just _stopped_. Then too many feelings grew inside her. Anger. Relief. Guilt. Love. Anger again. She found herself running out the Foundry and toward her home. When she arrived, she realised she went really fast. She should tell Barry sometimes she could challenge him and kick his ass. Maybe not in those heels. Well, maybe not at all.

She came in and took off her shoes.

She didn’t had to turn on the light to realise he was here. She _senses_ him. She _smells_ him. She wondered why she didn’t back there in the lair.

She put the lights on. She had to see him, even though she wasn’t ready. He was standing in front of her, skinnier and... taller, maybe because she was barefoot. He had lightly blue circle under his eyes which were carefully staring at her. She tried to focus, crossed her arms, a question on her lips:

\- Why?

His look let her believe he understood what was she asking .

\- I...wasn’t sure I’d really had survived. He stabbed me with his sword.

\- And after? Why?

\- I wasn’t supposed to come back. Ra’s didn’t know I was alive.

\- I don’t care what he knew! You had to tell _me_.

\- I was trying...

\- Don’t you _DARE_ say you were trying to protect me!

\- Felicity...

\- That’s enough! I’m done with it! Maybe it was better when you didn’t love me.

\- Felicity, I know you’re hurt...

\- Hurt? _Hurt?_ I was...there are no word to explain what I went through when you were dead. But now, I’m just really _reeeally_ pissed! You can’t treat me like I am made of glass, telling me we can’t be together for my safety, telling me you chose to be The Arrow and then letting me believe you’re dead. You know what? You were really close to lose me. When Nyssa told us you were gone, I fell into pieces. I really thought I was going to die. It was hard for me to even _breathe,_ Oliver!  I felt so much despair I wished I never loved you so much...God, I wished I never _met_ you, because I didn’t remember a time when I wasn’t in love with you!

\- Felicity...

\- Don’t. Say. A. Single. Word. Now I’m the one who speaks. I need you to remember this the next time you choose Thea, or the city, or The Arrow! You always said you want to protect me, you promised me you won’t hurt me. And then, you died! You _crushed_ me, Oliver. You tore me apart! So no, this time I _can’t_ forgive you.

\- You’re right. I’m unforgivable. I have no excuses. I made terribly choices. I didn’t thought you...

\- What Oliver? That I loved you? Because I never said it to you? You know, when you were dead I regretted not to. I wished that telling you out loud at least one time, should’ve make me feel better. Now I’m happy I didn’t, because you were not ready to hear it and because it wouldn’t have changed much. You always take your chances, make bad decision and sacrifice yourself for the greatest good. Be the hero. You know what’s infuriating: no matter what you do, I still love you...I love Oliver Queen and The Arrow, and, believe me, he’s a jerk!

\- I’m sorry Felicity. I’m sorry I put you into this. It destroys me what I did to you. Once John told me that you can stare death with something to live for or not. He was right. You...you were my last thought before I died. One day you asked me if I had any happy stories, well, turns out, I have you. You brought light in my life, you made me become the hero. I’m what I am _because_ of you. So I’m sorry, but I _need_ to tell you that I love you, although you don’t wanna hear it. And you don’t have to say it back. It’s enough for me that you just listen. Because I came back from the dead and you were my last wish.

\- I can’t do that anymore, Oliver. I’m sorry. Being loved by you puts me in a bad position. Your need to save me will forbid me to actually _live_.

\- I know. You don’t need to be saved. God, you saved _me_ more times that I could count, mostly from myself. You’re really strong, Felicity. I hope you know that.

He leaned down and kisses her forehead. She couldn’t help but pull him closer for a second. When they parted, she wanted to cry. Watching him walking away, she couldn’t bear to be left alone again.

\- Oliver, wait.

He turned around and looked at her like she was the most precious thing on the Earth and she hated herself because she knew him, she understood everything he did and she loved him just too much to let him go.

\- I need a favour.

He looked at her with a question in his eyes.

\- Anything.

\- Stay with me tonight. It’s not...I’m not asking...I mean... I just need you to be there when I’ll wake up thinking you’re dead. I...I think we both need a full night sleep.

He smiled and she realised how much she missed his smile.


	3. Never again

During the night, she woke up just once, terrified. But the moment he held her, she took a deep breath, calmed down and rested her ear on his chest, telling him she just needed to hear his heartbeat...to be sure. And then she fell asleep.

When he woke up she was resting on her stomach, her head on his heart, her hand where he was stabbed. She looked so peaceful. She really needed a full night sleep.

He took a moment to look at her, to touch her cheek, to kiss her hair. It was an intimate gesture, a lover’s gesture, but he didn’t care. He dreamed too many times to do that.

Her eyes slowly opened up, realizing he was beside her.

\- Good morning. – He whispered.

\- Hey. I’m sorry I slept _on_ you.

\- I’m definitely not.

Seeing him smile was the most precious thing in the world for her, but she was still confused. Resign herself to lose him forever and then have him so close, like she never had before, was kinda odd. Was too good to be true. She stood up and headed to the kitchen.

\- I need a coffee. Want some?

\- Yeah. May I have a quick shower?

\- Sure.

\- Thanks. I’ll meet you up in 5 minutes.

When he reached her, she was sitting, sipping at her cup. He stared at her perfection and asked her something he needed to know.

\- Why you asked me to stay the night? Not that I’m complaining but, you were so angry at me.

She studied him, then she closed her eyes, the way she always did when she need to order her thoughts.

\- Last time you kissed me goodbye, you died. So, last night, I couldn’t watch you walk away again.

He looked at her with so much guilt and love and heartache that she couldn’t resist. She flew toward him and hugged him tight. At first he was surprised, but then he hugged her back so tight she thought she couldn’t breathe, but she managed to speak:

\- I was awful with you. You just came back and I ran away. I couldn’t imagine what you’ve been through and I didn’t even say a word. Since I joined you and Dig, I’ve been always trying not to show that every time you leave the foundry I was so scared you won’t come back. And last time...it actually happened. And I fell into pieces: I was exhausted, in pain.

He rested his chin on her head and whispered:

\- I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve someone like me.

She pulled herself out only to look at him. He gave her his little tormented smile and put his hands on her shoulders.

\- I have to meet Thea. Then I take something to eat and come here, ok?

He tried to move away but found something holding him back. He looked down and saw Felicity’s fist on his chest, grabbing his sweater. Her knuckles were white, her eyes on her hand, then she shut her eyes really tight, biting her lips.

Oliver lifted her chin with a gentle touch of his finger.

\- Hey?

She opened her tearful eyes and looked painfully at him.

\- You were... _gone_ and I...I...I had to shut you down.

\- I know.

\- And I shut a part of me down with you.

\- I know.

She lowered her head, resting her forehead on his chest.

\- Never, ever, _ever_ do that to me again.

\- Ok.

Then she looked in his eyes with anger and resolution.

\- Never. Again. Oliver! Did I make myself clear?

There she is. Felicity was coming back to him.

\- Babe, I promise.

He hugged her again, letting her sob and holding her together.


	4. No turning back

They spent the rest of the day on her couch, wrapped in each other. He called Thea telling her to come by and have dinner all together. Felicity stood up to make something to eat, then she turned around noticing his eyes locked on her.

\- Oliver, you’re staring at me.

\- Does it bother you?

\- I don’t know. I’m not used to.

\- Because I’ve never let you notice when I did.

\- And now I’m allowed to notice?

\- When I was... _there_... the truth is...not being able to see you was devastating. I had _hallucinations_ about you. And, well, now I told you I love you, so I can stare at you.

\- Technically, I expressed my feelings _before_ you did.

\- Was I there when you did it?

\- Very funny.

He smiled at her.

\- Was at the Mansion?

\- So you did understand apparently...

\- I wasn’t sure, but... it’s just...you said you didn’t want to be safe, you wanted to be with me. Then you pause for a second and did your little thing with your eyes.

\- What thing?

\- That expression when you realize you said something without thinking. It was almost imperceptible. Then you added “and the others”. I wasn’t sure, maybe you meant you wanted to help us all, but I needed to believe you said it just for me.

\- Actually, it just came out, as you said. I mean, we were going to die eventually and  usually I ramble  when I’m nervous.

\- Yes, you do.

\- Then you blew up the “I love you”- bomb in my face.

\- I guess I did. And I guess you didn’t doubt for a minute that I meant it.

\- Oh, I was pretty sure you meant it. I didn’t know if _you_ figured it out yet. Speaking of, when you realized that you really loved me?

\- Honestly? I don’t know exactly. I mean, I was so occupied trying _not_ to be in love with you that I...

\- What that supposed to mean?

\- You were so, I don’t know...sunny, smart, selfless, trustful. You were one of a kind. I liked you the minute you looked at me. I _trusted_ you immediately. I literally put my life in your hands when my mother shot me. Then we started to work together and I learned more of who you are and I began to _care_ about you in a _new_ way. I mean, I fell in love before, but this time, it felt different.

I think I started to realize even more every time you were in danger, because something inside me _clicked_. Something that made me focus only on _your_ safety. And, considering the life that I lead, it scared me.

\- So you could’ve spare the Count I guess.

\- Maybe I could’ve, but...he had that syringe on your neck and you were trembling and I just...

-... _clicked_.

\- There was too much at stake.

\- There was just me.

He stared at her like she was the most valuable thing that could ever exist.

\- Yes.

\- You killed for me.

\- I did. He would’ve kill you. There was no way I would’ve put you in danger to save him. He shouldn’t have take you.

\- So it was that night? That you figured it out?

\- Then and when I missed you because you where in Central City to see Barry at the hospital and when you told me about Thea’s real father and...

\- And?

\- And when you told me you believed in me.

\- And yet, you got with Sara.

\- Like I said, I was scared from what I felt. It was a feeling too powerful, something I wasn’t able to control. It seemed to me the only way was to fight it. I was in denial.

-And now?

\- Now...

He slowly leaned down, getting so close to her face. When their lips met, she felt like coming home, like she was finally able to breathe, but then all her doubts hit her again and she reluctantly broke the kiss.

\- Oliver?

\- Yeah?

\- You know there’s no turning back? Now you _have_ to be sure about me, about us. You can’t walk away, you can’t have second thoughts.

\- Felicity, I’m here.

\- I know you are _now_. But I need you here every day. If we’re gonna do this I need your head in the game.

\- What do you mean?

\- No maybes, no buts, no ifs. You stay with me.

\- O-key?

\- You stay... _here_.

\- Here? You want me to move _here_? With you?

\- Look, I mourned you. It’s been deadly painful. You _left me behind,_ Oliver! I didn’t completely forgive you for it.

She looked at the floor and whispered:

\- And yet, I still feel I can trust you.

\- You say that to me the first time we met _outside_ the QC. When you gave me the notebook.

\- Yeah, still don’t know why.

\- Well, I always knew why.

\- So tell me.

\- Because you’re always been good reading people and you’re the only one who first saw the _real_ me. You’re the one who saw _me_ behind the mask...all of them. You never bought it: the spoiled, bored, shallow, rich guy. When you looked at me then, you were always searching for _more_ , like you knew I was hiding something.

\- I knew you were trying to hide yourself to me, although I didn’t understand the reason. But now? Now I know you, I’m aware in how many ways you could hurt me, even though you don’t want to. And I’m still trusting you. Why is that?

\- I think you know.

When she looked up, his eyes locked on hers. She wondered where did she looked during the past few months, when she couldn’t reach his blue eyes, she didn’t have a real place to go.

\- Ok, I know. But we need to be on the same page: you don’t do anything without telling me first, every decision will be make together, you don’t overdo and you come back home, _here_ , every day.

\- It seems I’ll be under your full control.

\- Oliver, you creased my soul! I think you owe me that.

\- Felicity, I owe you everything. If it’s _you_ asking, I’ll do it.

 


End file.
